Frosting for Your Feet

How fair is it when the few excellent genes you inherited only apply to body parts below the knee? This isn’t exactly about food, unless you’re hoping somebody will nibble on your toes. I never quite understood the infamous toe-licking photo involving Sarah Fergusson and her name-forgotten dalliance. But now I get it. The Duchess was obviously battling “cracked heel and scaly foot” syndrome, and her lover succumbed to a foot fetish beyond mortal control. She must have been using Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème.

In my own war with “cracked heel and scaly foot” syndrome, Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème is starting to help. AND it has a bunch of luscious ingredients: olive oil, oat flour, rosemary, coconut oil, and a hint of peppermint. Sounds a bit like we’re baking scones, no? What Beautiful Brit can resist a really good scone?

Back to American feet and please indulge mine for a moment: They’re my best body part. Put me in a pedicure station and it starts: “Wow, you really have great feet.” A definite suck-up, but not for the tip. Pedicurists see a lot of ugly dawgs, and they covet my secret. Unfortunately there’s no mystery potion leading to fame, fortune or Dutchess-dom. (Burt’s Bees holds the patent on that.) Nope, my feet are the product of good genes and awful taste in shoes.

Threadbare L.L. Bean slippers are my second skin. Outside the house it’s Crocks. I have them in three colors.
So, good feet. Until you-know-what hit. A state of diminished hormones has carved tire tracks into my heels. I sit silent in the pedicure station now, no longer royalty for a moment, just another set of crusty toes that only my dog wants to lick. The good news is, Bailey really, really likes Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Crème. I get my wrinkled toes licked any time I want -- so long as Bailey isn’t preoccupied with our cat. (Bailey is neutered and female. If her hormones could be patented, Dutchess-dom might be a possibility.)

Since nobody but Bailey wants to lick my toes, I’m slathering on this gloppy-as-axel-grease food cream that smells like Hawaiian Tropic on steroids. My pedicurist, while frowning at my feet the other day, said all foot cream works better combined with a few daily whacks from a pumice stone. But I was thinking I’d get better results with cupcake frosting … Coconut-flavored cupcake frosting might taste pretty good. Bailey would probably agree.

But enough about my toes. How are yours?