Debbie Does The Food Network (Not!)
From
| May 15, 2009
In Guest Blogger
Guest Blogger Debbie Moose says: People often ask me why I’m not on The Food Network, like you can toss your four (count ‘em) cookbooks in the producers’ offices and get a time slot, just like that. 
Evidently, it takes more than good aim. Here are the top five reasons why I have not yet made my network debut:
Number 5 ... Most of my recipes don’t start with “Take a stick of butter...” Nothing wrong with it at all, but that sthick is already taken, darn it.
Number 4 ... When I’m preparing to make a meal, I don’t rise up from my kitchen floor in a cloud of smoke. My home’s foundation has no crawlspace, so there’s nowhere to put the hydraulics and dry ice.
Number 3 ... I hate Crocs, especially Clemson Orange ones.
Number 2 ... My idea of a food fight is sausage balls at a bad call while watching a UNC-Duke basketball game.
And the Number 1 reason ...
My body rejected the perky transplant.
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